I have had a lot on my mind lately...
I am about to have my 3rd baby. That is still so weird to say out loud (or type for that matter). The only person on my side of the family to ever even meet Hadley is my mother. It makes me really sad to think that we live so far away that none of my family has met that little chunk and in a few weeks I am going to add another adorable baby to the mix- I have no idea when anyone will meet him either.
After checking out my sweet cousin's blog and seeing pictures of my mom and aunts sitting at her baby shower I found myself having a personal pity party. I have NEVER had a family member of mine come to any of my baby showers. I've never had my mom walk into the delivery room after the baby is born to congratulate me. My mom has never been the first grandparent to hold my newest baby. My sisters have never been there for birthday parties or any other event that would require family.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy living out here and I think that the smartest thing Joe and I could have done after getting married is moving away and discovering how to be adults on our own-by only depending on eachother. It's just the moments when a phone call just doesn't do the moment justice- when describing the way Hadley looks when she walks just isn't a great as it would be if Granny could just see her face to face. When Great granny can't remember how many kids I have because she never sees them and doesn't even know them.
I think part of me is scared of having 3 kids. I have felt more sure of having this little boy than I did of having either Jay or Hadley, so I know that this is the course our life is supposed to take, but it still scares me knowing that I am the mom. That so many little people are looking to me for guidance and direction. I feel inadaquet for this responsibility.
Some days I feel like I have wasted my day cleaning up after people who make a mess as soon as something looks clean, or wasted my time cooking a meal when all Jayden can say is "that's too yucky mommy." But that's just it... "mommy."
There is no one else I'd rather be. When I can hear Jayden yelling "mommy, mommy" through the front door when she knows I am coming up the stairs. Or when Hadley clings to dear life for 'mommy' when she thinks a stranger is going to take her out of my arms. The sweet moments when Jayden, in her sleep, will tell me that, "i wud du mommy" or when Hadley wobbles over to me just to give me an unexpected kiss. I feel like Heavenly Father gives us these moments so that the little things fall into the backs of our minds and we recommit to being the greatest person for these sweet little babies.
It seems like there has been a lot of talk in the ward and among women about what level of educational background one might have. I have a strong mind and I plan on one day finishing college. But looking back I wouldn't change a thing. I met Joe when I did and the Lord lovingly assured us to have our children when we did. To some this may seem unsmart, but I don't think I have felt smarter or more beautiful than yesterday when I was holding Jayden's tiny little hand in mine, with Hadley in my other arm and my baby boy in tow as well.
I am a Mom.
More importantly I am their mom and I wouldn't have it any other way.
20 People Showin' Love:
Micaela, I may have never seen you put your mommy skills to your 2 beautiful daughters, but I knew you were going to be an amazing mother way way back in the day when we were little ones. You are definitely a natural born mother. I love seeing your children grow up, and can't wait to see this new little addition. I hope someday I can be half the mother you are. Love ya!
You did have a lot to say! I think it is funny that you mentioned education because I have my degree. And you know what I did with it?? I put it in a frame, hung it on the wall, and besides being a decoration I have done nothing else with it! I wouldn't have it any other way either. I never said when I was little that I wanted to be a history teacher. I always said that I wanted to be a mom. And writing a paper on the Mountain Meadows massacre did not teach me how to grocery shop with three kids, or how to french braid hair, or how to differentiate between a fake cry and a real cry. Your education does not teach you about being a mom. It is simply a fall back plan. Right now it is just a wall hanging. Don't worry...so far three hasn't been too bad.
By the way, what are you doing August 14th? I would like to throw a baby shower for you. Would that be a good date?
What a sweet, from the heart post. I think in today's society it is so easy to be swept up in the hum drum of what everyone else is doing, and from what I can tell, you are doing a very good job of avoiding that and putting your focus on what really matters; your family. What a cherished role! A degree and a six figure salary can never compare. Keep up the good work; it's evident how much your dear sweet children love you.
You know I would trade my degree in an instant if I could have three kids! Not everyone is meant to follow the same path or have the same life, and thank goodness for that! My life doesn't make sense to a lot of people, and a lot of people's lives don't make sense to me, but that's okay. God has our lives planned for us, and that's more comforting than anything I know.
Micaela, that was such a sweet post. I think there are a lot of girls out there who can relate. Me in particular! It is easy to get caught up in thoughts of where we would be if we didn't have children, but those thoughts don't even compare to what joy we have with our children! It scares me to death as well to be a mom, but I wouldn't have it any other way! Good luck with your little guy. You are going to love having a boy!
Kyla, I loved your post. I often have the same feelings as well. Everytime someone asks me if I'm excited for our little girl, I'm not sure what to say. . . honestly I am scared to be responsible for another life! Especially when I feel like I can't keep up with the one I already have! But those sweet little moments that bring a smile to your face are what keep me going. Being a "mommy" and those feelings of joy that only a mommy can understand, no amount of education could take the place of that. Plus I am always reassured as I watch others, like you, who have already taken on the challenge of multiple kids and I realize I'm not the first to do it--so I will figure it out as I go, just like everyone else. And hopefully I can be the mommy they need me to be. Thanks again, for openly sharing your feelings as I think most moms often have the same feelings. You are a wonderful mom to your two girls and I know you will be just as wonderful when baby makes three! Love you!
You are an amazing mom!! And you will be great with this little boy. You were wonderful with Trae and he loved you. I know it is overwhelming to be having the third one on his way but you will do great. I always thought how am I going to do it with 2 but now I am thinking how would I ever do it with 3. So you let me know and I will contemplate on having another one down the long road! Your girls love you because you are the best mom for them! I like you are great!
That was such a great post Micaela and one that many, many mothers (including myself) have felt time and time again!
Keep up the great work, you will be fine sweetie! Love you!
Beautiful post. I'm sure every mom that reads this can smile with complete understanding. We do have a big responsibility to raise these little ones but those little moments that you described make all the messes and hated dinners worth it. Thanks again for sharing.
Micaela you are a great mom!!! Those little girls and that little boy to come are so lucky to have you!
It must be hard to live so far away from family. I'm sure it is overwhelming to think about having 3 as well. It seems like you are a really great mom. I love this quote by President Hinckley... "It isn't a bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faitha nd confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers." President Hinckley I hung this up on my fridge and look at it OFTEN.:) Oh, and I do have a pattern for the butterfly too, I'll send it to you. :)
So, I just read your comment on Shauna's blog about the Twilight books. I wanted to let you know that I had every intention of re-reading them during July to get all ready for the last one. Three books, one month, not too hard, right? It took me one week to read the first two. I honestly thought I could stretch it out, but no. . . they're too addictive. If you want to borrow mine, you're more than welcome to.
That was a very sweet post. I kind of understand how you feel about the whole living far away thing. Although Josh and I made the decision to move to Boston, sometimes I wonder what it all was for when I finally realize that family is truly all that matters.
I can only imagine how freaked out you must be with baby #3 on the way, but I have NO doubt that you will jump right in there and do amazing just like you did with the other two.
I'm just happy that we have blogs so that we can keep in touch with family and friends who otherwise would never even see pictures.
Good luck my dear--you'll do great.
Gosh, you about made me cry, and that doesn't happen too often. I also have a degree, but it never even made it into a frame on the wall, let alone put to the use it was intended for. As for having three, I'm not sure what that's like because we obviously skipped right to four. But it's got to be easier than that! Can't wait to see pics of the new baby once he gets here.
I loved this post. It really hit home because sometimes I miss my family so much that I just have a sad day. I keep telling my mom as soon as I have kids she better find a career in Cincinnati because I don't think I can do it without her. I know you are one amazing person and mom I am so excited to come visit and see your cute family. Lane and I are wanting to come to Memphis sooner rather then later.
I think it's so awesome that even though you are so far away, the people that don't get to see you every day can tell what an amazing mother you are through the things you do and say and beautiful, happy family you have. When you look at the pictures of your darling girls you can tell how happy they are and how much they love their mom. You are definitely one of the moms I look up to.
Micaela, you are an awesome Mom and your kids are so sweet and it is because they are yours and you have taught them all of that. I totally understand the whole having your family far away thing. I had a pity party for myself too, but in the end I feel the way you do. I feel very special and blessed to be here with just Conner and Kendall and learning to depend on each other in a way that we would not be if we lived close to our families. Also, I am so thankful to Heavenly Father for the opportunity he has given me to finally be a Mom and this is my dream job! I hope to have more children very, very soon.
You know I heard the greatest comment from a mom the other day who said she loves her job as a mom because she gets to be a nurse, a psychologist, a cook, a maid, a plumber, etc... She gets to do a little of everything just by being a mom and what greater career could you want. I always knew you'd be a great mom Kila! That's your calling! It is weird though to think back and go "wow," I have how many kids and I am how old? Pretty amazing I think! -Katie B.
I totally agree that being a mother is the most amazing job, ever!! Seeing your child learn and grow make any sacrifices seem worth it! Congrats on #3 coming. You will do an amazing job!
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